When I Grow Up

You've always been an inspiration,
a guiding light to share the road
You tenderly reached and carried many
It must have been a heavy the load

Your passing shifts the paradigm
of my efforts and my dreams
Your loss ignites something fierce in me,
With urgent need, it seems

I want to hug my boys
with an intensity they've never felt
To lavish them with kisses,
to make their boy-hearts melt

I want to pour into them the same confidence I got from you
To never leave a doubt or question that they "Can do anything they set their minds to."

I want to never sit it out, but dance even though I don't know how,
To cherish every moment my lungs hold air, and every beat my heart does pound

I want to never miss a moment, or chance to fill a room with light and laughter
I want be a beacon to the hopeless, lost and troubled
this day and each hereafter

I want to offer the kind of hug that fills a soul as much as any human can,
To be the embodiment of a Christ-like love, to all my fellow man

I want to dream big dreams and encourage others more
To not stop pursuing theirs,
when they come upon a closed up door.

I want to fill my children's hearts with undoubtable love and grace
The kind we all knew was ours, when we'd look upon your face

I want to be the stern one, the fortress in the storm
And yet I want to be a refuge to keep my loved ones warm

I want to be the lifelong love my husband falls for each and everyday
To fill his arms and catch his heart
As much for every tomorrow, as today.

I want fan the flames of imagination in every soul I see
To leave no room for defeatism,
just like you always did for me

You refused to give me permission
to accept or to believe
That I was anything less than beautiful,
That there was anything in this world I could fail to accomplish or achieve

You trained me to see my value and the worth I never knew I had,
To know that lost and sullen, broken girl I was, wasn't remotely, the least bit bad.

As the years have passed us, shifting our individual sands with time
I've never let loose your hand
Because you held so fast to mine.

Now the goodbyes are behind us and our story has found an end,
But you have written on my heart things which I'll cherish always,
My amazing, loving friend.

By: Tabby Deitrick